Days like today scare me.  Or rather, the prospect of days yet to come, when I've left my job, and am thrown entirely on my own resources and my own company, and when I feel as lost and lonely as I do today.  Above all, what this neurosis craves is closeness and affection - I fill the gap left by their lack, with as much online conversation with friends as is possible.  Inevitably, and not unreasonably, my friends are not always able, willing, or in the appropriate mood themselves, to indulge me in this.  All that keeps me together then, is the mundanity of sitting in an office surrounded by other drudges.

I'm terrified of where this sort of mood may take me when I'm alone on a regular basis. 

I'm actually planning to immerse myself in solitude, the thing that I love and I fear above all things.  Can I really think this is a good thing?

While wandering through the little shop where I buy my lunchtime sandwich, I found myself in the queue for the till behind a little old lady.  "Oh go in front of me", she said, "I've got all this lot, and two lotteryb tickets to do".  Bless her, so with many a smile and many an "are you sure?", I did.  How sweet.

As I reached the door on my way out, a boy, perhaps 13 or 14, came in through it.  He held the door open for me.

Maybe there is hope after all.

Impossibly sad this morning.  For reasons far too foolish to explain.