This mood-swinging is starting to really get on my nerves.

The slightest thing, the very slightest, and there's this huge emotional response, out of all proportion to the stimulus - which rarely warrants any real emotion at all.

The really peculiar thing is that, while my right brain is flapping all over the place, waving onions under my eyes and having a fun time tweaking all my emotions, my left brain is fighting like mad to retain composure, and talking to people with the best impression it can manage of a calm, relaxed and urbane human being, and being at pains to put the other person at their ease.  Failing, often, but trying, nonetheless.

And each half is aware of each other, across the divide. Watching, but going their own way.

Right: "FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckbollockswhydidIaskthatOhGodit'sallgonewrongandI've fuckedupagaincrycrycrycrycrycrycrycurlupanddieunderthedeskmummymummymummymummy"

Left: "Yes, that's fine, don't worry"

Bloody exhausting.  Swans' legs under the water, paddling away like fury, all serenity above.

I know this is hardly news to most people - we all do it.  Haven't had it quite this bad for a long time though.  When it takes all my physical strength not to shake like a leaf while talking politely to a work colleague, that's a worry.

Real ones, rather than metaphorical.  In less than a month, I'll probably never clap eyes on these folk again, in spite of having shared bits of my early mornings with them for the last half year.  Seems worth recording them, at least a little.  This is not an exhaustive list, naturally!

1. Romford to Liverpool Street

Three-quarters of the passengers on the 4.53 are postal workers, on their way to Farringdon, where there's a big sorting office.  Let us, therefore, begin with:

The Couple

Two male posties (well, maybe just work in the sorting office, hard to know). Always sit together, always walk together.  Stand just a little closer together than mere friends tend to.  Look good together, in fact.  I really do hope they are a couple, they seem to fit.

James Bolam

Very reminiscent, in looks, of the aforesaid actor.  A lined face, showing many past cares, but a look that suggests great laughter in the face of adversity.

Incredible Talking Man and 'Friends'

He talks. That is his nature.  His usual ploy is, on arrival in the carriage, to pounce upon one of his colleagues (postal workers again), sit down next to or opposite them, and begin to talk.  They may be asleep, or be reading a paper or book; it matters not.  If they don't respond, he'll repeat the phrase, with a "hmm?" or a "huh?" thrown in, in an attempt to elicit some reaction.  If they look away, he'll even go so far as to manouevre himself into their eyeline.

Quiet Carriage Man

"THE THING I LIKE ABOUT EARLY TRAINS", he confides to his friend, and thus the entire carriage, "IS HOW LOVELY AND QUIET THEY ARE".