I washed my nice cosy machine-washable wool zip-up cardigan.  It's a sort of pale, biscuity beige.  As I've often done before, I washed a few white items along with it.  Never been a problem.

I think my washing machine may have made a small thermostatic error, as two unusual things have happened:

a) The cardigan is now about twelve feet long, and no longer possesses the nice cosy texture it previously did.

b) I now own a number of pairs of pants with a definite pink tinge.  Odd really - the cardigan isn't remotely red, and it's been washed dozens of times.  What's more, it's predominantly the waistbands of my underwear that have absorbed the most colour - they're very pink indeed, whereas the rest is just "not quite white" in a sort of pinkish direction.

I expect it's a penance for my loudly poking fun at the Calgon ads on the telly.

Nobody looks
Though I whore my soul to unseen thousands,
Unseen, unknown,
Selecting, unselecting,
"No, not him",
My fate a mere click,
My face, unfitting,
Nobody looks.

The summer's high has well and truly worn off.  Not a single moment of my usual introspective bollocks and gloom while on tour, but now I'm home, events have rather caught up with me.

The disastrous audition for the panto.

The much, much better audition for Charley's Aunt a few days later, which seemed so promising, with assurances that I'd hear very soon, but which has now been followed by a profound silence.

The never-ending saga of my house sale, with solicitors spending months incompetently shuffling pieces of paper while my buyer prepares to be evicted by his existing landlord, and I go steadily bankrupt.

The very pleasant weekend of camping, with the highpoint of being gently seduced by someone I'd always rather liked. I knew perfectly well it was only a bit of fun, with no probable future, yet somehow the absence of a reply to my polite and friendly text seems to have been enough to provide a suitable last straw - must be the context of everything else I suppose.  Always the things I've had most trouble with, over the years, being ignored and feeling disposable.  Should know better.

Nope.  Lack of proper preparation, as I feared, led to me performing like a bad karaoke singer.  Really rather awful.  Didn't make the cut, and home to lick my wounds.  All good experience though, and an extra incentive to start getting some proper training - whether it be individual tuition via the Actors' Centre, etc., or finding a way to get to Drama School, but something at least.

Cassie, bless her, did make the cut.  Hope the rest of her audition goes well.

An audition today, for Brentwood Theatre's 2007 panto, David Wood's The Owl and The Pussycat Went to See...

When it popped up on CastingCallPro, I laughed, because it's a show the Artisans did some years ago, and I was in - and the audition song I'd used at the Chapterhouse audition was from that very show.
This, coupled with the fact that it's very local, really meant I had to apply, though I put it off for ages.  Something about it at the time filled me with terror, and still does now, on the morning of the audition.  A different kind of terror to that I'd felt for my previous auditions, partly because I shall know at least two of the audition panel very well, thus invoking the "not making a fool of myself" neurosis more strongly than usual; and partly because I've had much less time to prepare than I'd like - the two songs will be sung with moderately unfamiliar accompaniments - and there's been no chance to collar anyone with a piano to practice with before the audition.

It was inevitable, perhaps.  This is Chapterhouse, after all.  The 2007 season was never going to end without a sting or two in the tail.

Early on the morning of our last show, somebody smashed Cassie's bedroom window through from the street,  Thank goodness, although her bed was right under the window, her head was well away from the pane that was broken.

The Midsummer/As You Like It Cast had their van break down on the M1, on their way back to Lincoln for their final show, and some of them had to spend the night in the van in a lorry park.

In the early hours of the next morning, two men forced their way into Oddfellows' Hall, barging past Nick who was smoking in the doorway, made their way straight to Alan's bedroom, and made off with his laptop through the fire exit.

---

However, not all of the closing hours were bad ones.

The final show of the season, As You Like It, up at the Castle, was a fine show.  Very physical, for such a wordy play, very funny, and some outstanding performances.  Laughed myself hoarse.  Nice to see how the outdoor Shakespeare experience is for the audience for a change, too. Next time, must wear more layers.  Grrr, I covet their tent too.

Then the party.  Two fridges full of beer and pizza.  A great deal of cheerful drunkenness.  I came away around 3am - many stayed much later.



And the goodbyes in the morning.   No tears, but many a warm hug.

Chapterhouse 2007.  Not an experience I'm keen to repeat just at the moment, but one I wouldn't have missed for the world.

So that's that.  The last show (Lincoln Castle) duly completed - and completed well, it has to be said, for it was a worthy performance to finish on, much aided by a very chucklesome audience - one lady in particular, who cackled impressively all the way through.

We have to empty the vehicles today, and return them to the hire company, who hopefully won't be too upset at the damage to the van...

Here's the cast as it stood at the end of the tour...


On the stage, from left to right:  Jay (Leonato/Oatcake), Some Bald Twat (Don Pedro/Seacoal), Dave (Balthazar/Dogberry), Alan (Don John/Friar/Verges), Ellie (Margaret/Borachio), Harriet (Beatrice), Nick (Claudio).
On the ground: Cassie (Hero/Sexton), Hugh (Benedick).

Attentive readers will already know that this is not, of course, how the cast looked when it began.  I wish I'd taken complete cast photos along the way, to illustrate how things altered, but hey ho, let me see if I can summarise:

At the start of the tour, Simon played Benedick and Borachio, Nicola was Beatrice, Sam was Claudio and the Sexton. 
When Simon and Nicola left, we briefly had Lou and Marcus as Beatrice & Benedick, while Ellie stood in as Borachio. 
Then Hugh and Harriet joined us for their three days of rehearsal for B & B.  Lou briefly returned as Beatrice for a couple of shows when Harriet had prior committments.  This was the point when Ellie was taken ill, so Dave stood in as Margaret, and Cassie as Borachio.
Ellie recovered fast, and returned (hooray!), but then Sam was taken ill, and we needed a new Claudio very speedily, which was when Nick arrived, reading in the part with one hour's rehearsal. Cassie took over as the Sexton, to save Nick having to learn that as well.  There was a point where it looked like Sam would return, but in the end, Nick remained until the end.

Phew.  Have I missed anything?

Not  a great show last night.  West Lodge Park Hotel, near Cockfosters.  Really nice place - excellent rooms provided for us (one complete with jacuzzi); decent surface to set up on (though the organisers seemed to think we took up too much room - "you didn't bring a tent last year".  Oh yes?)

But. One of those horrible, grippingly embarrassing, interminable moments, right at the beginning, everyone looking at each other, nobody speaking, everybody trying to think of a way out of the situation.  Then, near the end, in the first song of the funeral scene, the loud snap of a guitar string, leaving Dave with nothing whatever to make a tune with.  The final song performed unaccompanied, to much inward cringing on our part.  Glad to be away.  Long drive back to Lincoln - day off today, then our final show tomorrow, up at Lincoln Castle.  Hope it's a good one.

Back in Lincoln for a day off, then the rescheduled West Lodge Park, then back to Lincoln, ready for our final show on Friday.

Layer Marney Tower, nr. Colchester
Glorious sunny day, and a really beautiful building.  However, we arrived to be told that the place they wanted us to perform wouldn’t be available until 5pm – this for a 7pm show.  Obviously wasn’t going to happen, so we agreed on a different spot, with a natural rake to it – rather small for the 200 people expected, but at least it was available earlier; though even then, not until 3.45, as it was being used for a falconry display.  A good show in the end though – many nice comments - and nice to have a decent size of audience again for a change.

Fritton Lake Country World, Great Yarmouth

A sort of up-market holiday camp, as it were.  We were set up in front of a kind of adventure playground… complete with a "fort" and slides shaped like dragons' heads. Unusual setting, but too good not to make use of in some way…

The ground was very uneven, so the decision was taken to just use the trellises, since audience numbers were known to be small.

Right at the start of the play, there was an ominous twang from the guitar, and a string had gone.  Some genuine heroics began at this point:  Cassie ran the several hundred yards back to the dressing room, to collect her Saxophone, which she then played during the revellers’ scene; Dave, as soon as he was free, did a sort of commando roll over the bank behind us, ran back to the van, collected a new string, ran back, re-strung and re-tuned the guitar, all in one scene, and was ready to play again, mere seconds before the beginning of the arbour scene.  Impressive.

Speaking of the arbour scene, what better place for Benedick to hide, than in one of the turrets of the “fort” standing behind us?

More dramas were yet to come – the generator we were using to power our lights ran out of petrol just at the very start of the wedding scene, so there was another mad dash a couple of hundred yards to re-fill it.

Highlight of the evening though, has to be the moment when Dogberry interrupts Beatrice & Benedick.  When Dave blew his whistle, he was standing at the very top of the “fort” – and continued blowing it as he slid gracefully down the slide, emerged at speed from the bottom, and ran to the stage.

Our accommodation was at the University of East Anglia, in one of their halls of residence.  Very very nice – a room each, for the first time at any point in the tour, and ensuite, at that!

Ashridge Monument, nr Berkhamsted

The set went up remarkably quickly – the ground turning out not to be quite as uneven as it looked.  Within minutes, however, the whole surface of the stage (and every other light-coloured surface) was completely covered in flying ants.  Walking across the stage stirred up a small maelstrom of the beasties.  We tried everything – citronella candles, stamping on them, boiling water, mopping the stage down, but to no avail.  In the end, we just used the trellises to set up a small acting area on the grass, alongside where we’d set the stage.

Had a really lovely audience – generous with their money on raffle tickets and programmes, and with their laughter and appreciation during the show.  Nick’s starting to really get a good handle on Claudio’s lines now, too, which has given us all a bit of a lift – we all seemed to enjoy the show more tonight than we’ve done for a little while.  Nice weather really helps, too!

Danson House, Welling, Kent

Absolutely pissing down as we put the set up, and the ground was very soggy.  Continued to rain until an hour or so before, which really kept audience numbers down – maybe 50, at a guess.

 We were all so happy…..

Ayscoughfee Hall, Spalding

It seems we’re not out of the woods yet, in terms of crises.  We’ve had a few days off, most of us in Lincoln, but Sam had gone home, so he could see his doctor, as he wasn’t very well.  He apparently collapsed this morning, and went to hospital, so wouldn’t be back for this evening’s show.  Much planning of contingencies, ringing of potential stand-ins, discussions of “what if we did this?”.  We were just at the point of getting Dave to shave his beard off and have a haircut, so he could read in Claudio, when a suitable candidate was found, one Nick Potts, who’s toured with Chapterhouse before.  He was able to be at Spalding station by 5pm, leaving an hour for a rush blocking rehearsal, before the doors opened at 6pm.  A good show, in the event, before a very appreciative audience.  Nick managed remarkably well – he’d played Claudio before, some years ago, but the cuts were new to him of course, as was the blocking.

Staff very friendly and helpful, eager to make life as easy as possible for us.

Dudmaston Hall, near Bridgnorth
Stayed in another bunkhouse last night – Lower Broughton Farm, near Bishop’s Castle, on the Wales/Shropshire border.  A real pain getting there, as the roads are really windy and steep through Bishop’s Castle, and the road numbering abandons you in the town.  The place itself was really lovely though – comfy beds, clean, telly… and a trampoline outside, on which Harriet bounced for several hours!
The show was rather a disappointment.  Rained all day, while we were putting the set up, which brought everybody’s mood right down.  The show was a rescheduled one – originally 400 pre-booked tickets.  The new date had 200 pre-booked.  Around 35-40 showed up, of which perhaps a third were friends and families of cast members.

On the plus side, the return of Ellie, muchly missed from the last two shows, and now all recovered.  Feels like the family's back together again.

Stert’s Theatre, Upton Cross, Cornwall.
Our second and last show without Ellie: Dave and Cassie still reading in Margaret and Borachio respectively, and Hugh filling in bits of music on his piccolo trumpet, in those places where it would be difficult for Dave or Cassie, or where Ellie would have played flute. Interesting venue – an amphitheatre, covered by an enormous tent, feeling like a small version of the Millennium Dome.  Lighting rig provided, which was nice.  The theatre, though, comes with a sort of “set” already built-in, which is rather disconcerting, and certainly mucks around with the blocking in a major way.  Backstage is something of a shanty town, all bits of rotting plywood.  I rather enjoyed myself, though the cast seems a bit split on that issue.
My cousin Mike, and his wife Heather, who I’ve not seen for many a year, came along to the show.  Nice to see them both again.

Ilfracombe
Three days’ break in the Ocean Backpackers’ Hostel in Ilfracombe.  Nice place, pool table, Xbox, decent kitchen, pubs in every direction… Ilfracombe's a pretty town, with a picturesque harbour, and some impressive cliffs.  Occupied entirely by Polish people and some of the most miserable-looking English holidaymakers I've ever clapped eyes on.

Hugh and I have embarked on a sort of heptathlon of games both trivial and skilful. The scores are currently level.  I robustly beat him at Crazy Golf, but he utterly thrashed me at Pitch & Putt, as he also did at Chess.  At Pool, I was triumphant, and again at Ski-Ball (hooray that seaside amusements still have those!).  The decider is Poker.  There has been a Poker game, with everybody involved, but we may have a one-on-one rematch in due course (I lost this initial game, incidentally).

Poor Ellie's not very well.  She'd been feeling a bit rough during the Newark show, and was worse yesterday, so Cassie took her to hospital while we set up at Lythe Hill.  She wasn't well enough to perform, so a contingency plan was drawn up...

So...  Cassie read in as Borachio, which Ellie had been playing to save Hugh from learning two whole parts in three days.  I sang (rather poorly, I'm afraid) Ellie's verse of "Abide With Me" in the funeral scene.  And Margaret?  Very ably read in, to much hilarity, by our very own Dave Glaysher, in a frock.  Dave, for those who don't know him is well over six foot tall, with lots of hair and a largeish beard.  Very well received by the audience, especially given that Dave had around thirty friends out there!

Yes, that's right, Newark.  Newark castle Gardens.

Audience a little quiet, staff a little unsure of exactly what and where and when, sandwiches (by external caterer) very posh.

Lou was back again as Beatrice, while Harriet finishes her previous commitment in Don Quixote - she'll be with us again in Lythe Hill.  Which will be an early morning and a long drive, as it's bloody miles away, and a 5pm start.

Lydney Park's been cancelled.  A shame, but not a huge surprise - it had been rumoured that it might happen, due to the lack of pre-booked audience.

I know of five pre-booked tickets - must check, but I've a nasty niggling feeling that may have been the entire audience.

So, back off to Lincoln tomorrow, with our next show at Newark Castle on Saturday.

4th August, Temple Newsam, Leeds.

One of those "small but appreciative" audiences.  A nice setting, with the Tudor/Jacobean Temple Newsam House behind us, and, just for a change, on some respectably firm ground (still somewhat uneven though).

Rather a shame:  They have a fine amphitheatre built in the grounds, but they can't use it for paid performances, as they can't find an easy way of ticketing it, apparently.

More friends of mine in the audience, which was nice.

Now a few days' break before our next show, at Lydney Park, in Gloucestershire.

3rd August, Ford Park House, Ulverston, Cumbria

For me, this proved to be a strange yet pleasant day.  We'd arrived early in the van, and been provided with tea by the very friendly lady in charge, while we awaited the arrival of the rest of the cast.  A nice setting, with our dressing room overlooking the area we'd be performing, and also the car park.  The cast duly arrived.  We went downstairs to meet them, as another car, containing a couple of members of the public, also arrived.  By the time we got to the car park, Alan was chatting to these two, and as I emerged from the house, he pointed to me and said, "here he is".

It was my sister and her husband, who I'd not seen in twelve years.

There was a great deal of smiling and hugging, and slightly self-conscious smalltalk.  What do you say to someone you haven't seen for that long, when you have to dash off and put a set up any minute?  They came to the show in the evening, and by all accounts enjoyed it.  Another brief chat as I went back to the dressing room, and that was that.

Still not sure how I feel about it, except that it was lovely, really lovely, to see Jane again.

2nd August, East Riddlesden Hall, Keighley.

First performances for Hugh and Harriet, our new Benedick and Beatrice.  Two and a half days' rehearsal, and a run-through on the set on the day.  Doesn't sound like much, does it?  And it's not.  But they managed it, and very well indeed, for it was a very good show.  Hats off to them for an extraordinary achievement.  Not quite so much credit to the person at the venue who provided a mains extension that wasn't up to providing 2kW for the lights... which died ten minutes before the end.  Just as well the house itself had a few floodlights on, or we'd have been scuppered.  Ellie made an energetic dash up to the house where we were plugged in, but there was nothing to be done - when I had a look myself later, the extension lead was really rather warm, and that was a good twenty minutes after the lights had died.

The audience took it in good part though, and we had a standing ovation.  A fitting start to Harriet and Hugh's tenure in their roles.

The Bishop's Palace, Wells

At very short notice, Marcus and Lou stood in for us as Beatrice & Benedick.  What a tour de force. New life breathed into the show, and the refreshing feeling of people who are prepared to get stuck in and do it.  Thanks guys, you were amazing.

The palace itself was quite stunning, but it suffered from the slight drawback that the van was too tall to fit through the gatehouse, so there was quite a distance between where we could park, and the location of the show.  So, decision made to use only the trellises, and to work on the flat, rather than put up the staging.  In the end, this probably made for a better show, since the audience, though enthusiastic, was small, and we had a much more intimate performance.  As already mentioned, our two emergency cast members were outstanding too, which certainly added to the quality of the evening.

Oh, and there was also the matter of the food.  We were told we could have "anything on the Sunday Lunch Menu".  So we did.  Roast beef, roast lamb, salmon, all jolly nice too.

A certain Company Manager also got a new toy to play with....

Amesbury Travelodge.

Today’s show is cancelled, unsurprisingly.  Tomorrow’s will see two people (including Marcus from the Midsummer cast, for one day only) reading in parts.  Monday we begin rehearsing two new full cast members.  Next show after that is on Thursday, near Bradford.

So a day of regrouping and attempts at team-rebuilding.  Had to drive south, as our accommodation is already booked, here in Amesbury.  So, a detour to Southsea, and some time to relax, breathe in some sea air, and do silly things like go on rollercoasters and those arcade dance machines.  Shame the lovely afternoon turned into an evening of pissing rain just as we were walking the half mile back to the car & van.  Utterly drenched, all of us.

Gardens of Easton Lodge, Dunmow

Wonderful place.  Friendly friendly people, nice food, good weather, and the best show we’ve done for ages – even the songs and dances were near perfect.  A lot of tension among the cast though, as we all had a feeling what might happen at the end of the show.. and events proved thus:  Simon & Nicola (Benedick & Beatrice respectively) have left the tour.  All kinds of reasons that I’m not going into here, but I think everyone (themselves included) feels it’s for the best.

East India Dock Basin

Extraordinary setting.  We should have been performing, on concrete, with a fantastic view of the Millennium Dome across the river.  Unfortunately nobody had told us about this (though somebody from Chapterhouse had visited the site) so the tent was going to be a problem.  I’d popped down to have a look myself earlier in the week, but I’d assumed, perhaps foolishly, that we’d be on the grass.  In the event, the wind was impossibly strong on the promontory where we were supposed to be, so we agreed to move on to the grass anyway.  Then the driving rain began, as we started setting up the set.  There had already been a fair bit of moaning and groaning, and halfway through setting up, everybody seemed to just stop.  There was also a certain amount of er… ‘intervention’ from a person with no official connection with either the venue or Chapterhouse, who took it upon themselves to tell everyone in no uncertain terms, quite what he thought of us.  Quite a few people upset by this.

Ultimately, the show was cancelled.  A sort of relief, but disappointing, given how many people I had coming to see it.

The weather, of course, started to improve the moment we left, and the evening was sunny.  Too late.  Bugger.

Nicola has a day’s recording for Big Finish today.  We should be at Lulworth Castle, but instead we’re all severally at home, in Lincoln.   There may be trouble ahead.

Woburn Abbey

Back together again.  Seems very strange after a week’s break - the show at West Lodge Park was rescheduled due to filthy weather, so it's been a longer break than expected..  Several of the cast went off on the safari drive round the animal park - very good, apparently.  Good show, and enjoyable.  Took ages getting the van out again though, having to reverse it through a tiny iron gate in the  pitch dark. 

Hatfield House

So, we set up.  Rough ground, but not impossible.  Then a lady with a face that didn’t seem to have known a smile in many decades came along and told us she wanted the set somewhere else – fifty yards away, down a hill.  Tears, frayed tempers, threats to leave.  Surprisingly decent show under the circumstances.

Then everybody off their separate ways for a few days' break; some to Lincoln, me home to my flat.  Quite an emotional parting.  Shall miss these people, even though it's only four days.

Beech Court Gardens, near Ashford.

Chickens everywhere, and some of the most uneven ground we’ve ever set up on.

Accommodation.  Just dreadful.  Coldharbour Farm, up a winding road in the middle of bloody nowhere.  The instructions totally inadequate.  Sam got a friend to look the place up on multimap, and we got there eventually sometime in the early hours.  Found “The Camping Barn”, where we were staying…. Which was just a barn and a pile of moth-eaten mattresses.  Awful.