I remember sitting at my old house, empty bottle on the hearth, my head propped on my hand, elbow on the arm of the sofa.  Watching nothing.  Despair in control of my every thought.  Catching, out of the corner of my eye, the artery in my wrist gently pulsing away in soft, peripheral-vision focus. So many nights, year in, year out.

There seemed to be nothing whatever for me then, no future of any kind.  Surrounded by the detritus of my life, permanently installed into that one seat as though I'd been surgically grafted to it.

I've come a long, long way since then.  My life has changed for the better in more ways than I can count.
And yet the despair, and the reasons for it, remain.  So long it's been my companion, it has almost become my identity, in and of itself, defining me.  In the (increasingly unlikely) event that the original cause should ever be resolved, I've a nasty feeling the despair will remain anyway, as much a part of me as I was of that old sofa.

Sometimes, like, I imagine, most people just starting in this business, I find myself very despondent and begin to question whether this is really the right path for me.

Evenings like yesterday do much to restore my sense of direction.  I went to see Humble Boy at the Artsdepot in Finchley.

Two things marked this out as a bloody good evening:

1) It's really really good.  A lovely, charming, surprising play, which I previously knew nothing about at all, beautifully produced and acted.  Especially nice to see a good friend in the lead role, and bringing it off with great aplomb.  Thoroughly enjoyable evening's theatre - heartily recommended - go and see it.

2) Met the aforementioned friend afterwards for a quick drink.  We'd spent quite a bit of the summer working together on the Edinburgh Fringe show, and there was a fantastic bond built up between all of us in the cast and crew - and meeting up briefly again yesterday rekindled that.  There's a kind of joy involved in meeting up with people you've had that "shared experience" with, something I've never encountered in any of the other assorted jobs I've done over the years.  This is, indeed, what I should be doing with my life.