This is a ridiculous sequence of events:
Wake up, in a fairly positive mood, not exactly euphoric, but certainly ready to do battle with the day.
Have a pleasant and cheery telephone conversation with a friend.
Go out to run a few errands (post office, bank, etc.) - all easy and comparatively stress-free.
Return home, and realise that I'm in a miserable, self-loathing, and rather fragile mood, craving reassurance.
Why? Nothing whatever in the preceding hours has been the sort of thing that ought to trigger such a reaction. Even the queue at the post office wasn't particularly slow, or especially full of annoying people.
This sort of thing has been happening more often lately, which is a worry. It's almost as though the only thing keeping the flow of positivity going, is a conscious effort to do so: In other words, if I forget to constantly remind myself I'm a worthwhile person, the default state is an automatic belief that I'm a waste of space. Which is daft.
Very glad I've got a shooting day tomorrow. A thing to look forward to, and (assuming I don't cock stuff up), something to boost the ego.
"I am a decent person.
I do have a right to be who I am.
Most people don't hate me.
I have at least some skill in what I'm trying to do"
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Tuesday, April 7
by
BaldJohn
on Tue 07 Apr 2009 13:03 BST
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