It's six weeks since the burglary, and thus, six since I had the car nicked.  It took my insurers one day to write the old car off as a total loss after the theft.  They had all my documents within two days.  It took them, perhaps predictably, five weeks to issue a settlement cheque - which they did just in time for the throng of bank holidays, so that it's taken another week to clear.

However, today I've finally replaced my little silver Yaris with... another little silver Yaris.  Not only the same make, but the same model and year.  Feel free to point and laugh and level accusations of unoriginality.  It wasn't strictly deliberate - I had, it's true, been seriously considering getting another Yaris, purely because I'd been so pleased with the original, that it seemed sensible to stick with something I trust, and whose mechanical foibles I know well.  Of necessity, after all, I was going to be buying a fairly old, cheap car.  I didn't plan to be getting quite such a doppleganger...  However, when I saw the one I eventually bought, I was very struck by the fact that it was clearly in a much better condition mechanically than my old one - mainly because it had only just over half the mileage.  The bodywork's a bit more scuffed, but they generally don't rust much.

Driving it home was an odd sensation.   Like getting to know the identical twin of a much-loved friend.  The features are almost indistinguishable, but their face is marked by different lines and furrows.  They're also quite a bit fitter.

Dear Burglars,

It being traditional that burglaries occur in twos, and, a few weeks having passed since your first visit, you'll no doubt be calculating the optimum time to return to my flat, in order to take ownership of the inevitable shiny new replacements for the items you swagged last time.

In which case, there are some things you should be aware of.

1. No such replacements exist.  The moderately low-end computer that you stole was not insured.  If it comes to that, it wasn't strictly mine, it had been given to me by a good friend to help me out of a spot when my (even older) computer died one day.  I will be replacing the computer (thanks, in no small part, to the generosity of my Mother) but it will be equally low-end, and certainly not worth your while nicking.

2. In the unlikely event that you do visit me again, please don't bother emptying every drawer I have all over the floor.  I am a hoarder, and keep nothing of any value therein. My drawers are merely full of junk,

3. I have installed a burglar alarm, for your inconvenience.  The siren is exceedingly loud.  It is also placed only about a foot away if you try to break down the door again.  The police will no doubt be aided in their search for you by the description, "somewhat deaf, bleeding from the left ear".

4. If we don't encounter each other again, do at least be kind to my little car.  It's been a good friend over the last ten years, and deserved better.

Yours faithfully,
BaldJohn